BDSM Guide on Being a Good Submissive

sub girl being restrained by bondage cuffs


Introducing kink play into your sex life to spice things up is more common than you think, with more and more people wanting to participate in some form of BDSM every day. Being submissive sounds simple, but there are certain things that you need to learn or be aware of to help you assume your role as a sub correctly. Keep reading if you would like to learn more about being a sub.

Inform Yourself on Being a Sub

You may have heard about doms and subs before, but do you really know much about the subject? The BDSM community is large and constantly growing, providing newbies with lots of resources online to help them get started.

Take advantage of things such as articles and BDSM pornographic videos to learn more about the roles of a sub and how you should conduct yourself as a submissive partner. There is also a gathering called a munch, where people who are interested or involved in BDSM casually meet. If you hear about one being hosted in your area, you should try attending so you can learn from people and hear about their experiences.

Confidently Assume Your Submissive Role

Some things in life can’t be learned, and being a sub is no exception. If you become a sub and don’t really want to do it, both you and your partner won’t enjoy your BDSM play. Everyone is different, and some people will have traits that make them natural born subs or doms. You can learn how to be a good sub, but actually being a good sub and putting that knowledge into practice is a different story.

You’ll never know until you try though, don’t force yourself to be a sub if you find that you don’t enjoy it as much as you thought you would though.

Slowly Adjust to Being a Sub

BDSM play will provide you with a multitude of different kinks to explore, which can be overwhelming for beginners. Don’t bite off more than you can chew!

Trust and mutual consent are essential for enjoying a BDSM session, as well as communicating about things like your experience, specific interests and hard limits. Talk to your dom about what you would like to do as a sub, they may suggest different activities that you’ll be interested in as well as things that you won’t want to do.

If you are open and honest with your dom, they will be able to help you adjust to being a sub and slowly ease you into BDSM play. After you are comfortable with your submissive role, you can then think about trying some of the more extreme things that BDSM has to offer.

Give Your Dom Feedback

BDSM is a sexual fantasy. After your BDSM session, you will have to come back to the real world and put aside your fleeting desires of submission. This is the perfect time to talk with your dom and give them any feedback you have.

Things to talk about include:

  • What you liked
  • What you didn’t like
  • Things they can improve on
  • Advice for self improvement
  • Different ways of doing things
  • New things you would like to try
  • Asking if they would like to try something new

Communication is a very important skill for BDSM enjoyers. There is a very fine line between enjoying BDSM and completely ruining the mood, which can easily happen if you do not clearly communicate with your partner.

Invest in Sex Toys

You can enjoy BDSM with no sex toys or some quick improvisation, but owning good sex toys will easily enhance your sessions. Here are some things to think about if you would like to expand your sex toy collection:

While the actions of the dom and sub are important when it comes to your BDSM session, sex toys will add a new dimension to your sessions. To find bondage specific toys, check out BDSM stores like Peachy BDSM who will stock a wider range of toys to fit your needs. 

Prepare Safe Words Beforehand

Even if you communicate things with your partner before your BDSM session, you’ll never know until you try it. Some things may be even better than you thought, but what happens when you hate what you’re trying?

BDSM can include a lot of torturous activities where a sub may instinctively ask to stop, but they don’t actually want to. Most doms will ignore basic requests to stop what they are doing, provided that you have decided on a safe word before your session. Anything can be a safe word but make sure it is something you won’t accidentally say as this will completely disrupt your BDSM play.

An alternative to a safe word is having a safe signal to flash your partner, useful when gags are being used or in situations where the sub is unable to clearly communicate verbally. An example of this would be opening and closing your hands repeatedly, but make sure you agree on something that you will be able to do in the moment.

Be Open Minded

BDSM is very explorative, with many different kinks falling under it. People usually have a good idea of what they do and don’t like, but being open minded and stepping outside of your comfort zone can help you learn more about your sexuality.

This applies to trying new things in the bedroom as well as for attending social events, like a BDSM night at a club or a munch.


Exploring your sexuality can be very exciting, especially when it comes to BDSM. Now you should know all the basics for becoming a good sub, all you have to do is apply what you have learned and strive to always be better for your master.

Just remember that being a sub may not be for you, and that’s okay. There are plenty of other BDSM kinks for you to explore and enjoy without having to submit to a dom.