The Importance of Aftercare

couple in bed cuddling


Sexuality is something that constantly evolves as you learn more about yourself, with many different aspects to explore. For inquisitive and adventurous partners, delving into BDSM can become an exciting adventure full of sexual discovery. Unlike other kinks and fantasies, BDSM involves you and your partner communicating how you want to be sexually satisfied and requires a lot of trust.

It’s important to remember that after you’ve had your BDSM fun, that you look after yourself and your partner. Aftercare is an essential part of BDSM that requires you to understand your partner and communicate with them to ensure that they are okay. Keep reading if you would like to learn more about BDSM aftercare.

What is BDSM Aftercare?

BDSM aftercare may sound intensive but it’s actually quite simple. More extreme BDSM roleplay, like long sessions of impact or total domination/submission, can be psychologically draining on you or your partner. Aftercare makes sure that you can both relax and bring yourself back to reality after indulging in your fantasies.

You may be wondering what Aftercare is, if it’s so important. It can actually be anything you and your partner choose that will help calm and relax you. Aftercare can be split into two categories, physical and emotional.

Physical Aftercare

This type of aftercare focuses on relaxing your partner on a physical level, with some examples including:

  • Removing physical things like restraints, hoods, blindfolds, gags and penetrative BDSM toys
  • Providing your partner with food or drinks to recover their energy
  • Providing your partner with first aid or painkillers
  • Running a warm bath or shower
  • Giving your partner a relaxing massage

Emotional Aftercare

This type of aftercare focuses on debriefing your partner on your play session, with some examples including:

  • Talking to your partner about things you did and whether they liked it or not
  • Discussing emotions and giving your partner an appropriate outlet for expressing them
  • Physical aftercare that will help your partner cope with any negative emotions

Emotional aftercare isn’t limited to immediately after your play session too. If your partner still needs help with their emotions in the following days, try being there for them.

Properly implementing aftercare will help you bond and build trust with your partner, as they will be able to rely on you to take care of them after your play sessions.

couple in bed


Why is BDSM Aftercare Necessary? 

Aftercare is the first step you can take to help mitigate any negative emotions, physical pain, fatigue your partner is experiencing as a result of your BDSM play. Aftercare also helps you regain normality after intense roleplay.

Sometimes, the way you act in the real world will differ greatly from your chosen role in BDSM play. Role reversals in BDSM will see a more submissive person in the real world become the dom, and vice versa. Aftercare will help you both reset and settle back into your regular selves so that you can both continue the rest of your day as you normally would.

Aftercare is extremely important if your partner experiences Sub Drop, a known phenomenon in the BDSM community caused by the sudden drop of endorphins after you finish a play session. The effects and how long they affect you will vary between people, leaving you feeling dazed, sad or feeling like you’re having a bad hangover. Waiting for your hormones to balance again can take hours or days, depending on your body. Sub Drop combined with the physical fatigue caused by intense BDSM play can quickly spiral out of control if you don’t take care of yourself.

Does Everybody Need BDSM Aftercare?

Aftercare is important if you or your partner need physical or emotional aid after your play session. Everyone is different though, so you may find that some partners are completely fine without it. If you’re new to BDSM, it’s a good idea to at least talk about what happened and form good aftercare habits so that you’re prepared in the event that your partner needs you to look after them.


BDSM are fantasies explored by adventurous partners who want to know more about themselves. Taking care of yourself after the session is necessary for many to recoup the lost strength exerted during the bedroom drills.

BDSM fantasies can provide you and your partner with sexual satisfaction that you’ve never experienced before. Pushing your limits can cause you to experience physical fatigue or a hormonal imbalance afterwards, so learning how to correctly provide aftercare and look after your partner is essential for those interested in BDSM play.

This article was written by Peachy BDSM, Australia's leading BDSM store.